Hello lonely blog, it's been a while. My last post was, well, not emo but certainly not positive. Being positive is hard. Takes mores muscles to frown than smile but it takes fewer brain cells to whine. Purely scientific. Look it up.
Things are better. Much better. Still not sure about life. College seems impossibly far away, but I've been looking into trade schools. Don't know what for. Something with few people. I like people I just don't like hanging out with them. Make me feel strange.
No man in my life. Still. (Don't worry singletons, this ball of crazy is still completely available.) But the only man I need is Ryan Gosling. Went to see Driver because he was in it. Really violent. Really scary. Not my thing, but I watched loyally. Saw Crazy, Stupid, Love at the cheap theaters a little while ago. Buying that when it comes out. For sure.
But though I have no love and no future, I have a hobby. Many hobbies now. Crafting. As in more than one craft at a time.
You see, I was standing in the middle of Wall Mart (as sometimes happens to lonely single people) and I was looking at fabrics and beads and paint trying to decide what I should try. Then it dawned on me. I can try all of them. There is no limit except my imagination. (Well and my paycheck.)
Four projects at once. Rank and file.
- Quilt of Old T-Shirts- I know I'm fifty.
- Self Portrait- Got some nice paints. Using a piece of cardboard (canvas is expensive, I sprung for color instead.) Coming along well.
- Sculpture of a Fish- Little bit a clay, lotta bit of love. (Nearby place will fire it when I'm done.)
- Beading- Not just a little. Serious BEAD-ness. (Get it!)
Number four is my favorite. So far I made a bracelet with little turquoise stones and silvery divider thingys and a necklace of amber. Looks funky in a good way.
Beading is different. The others occupy my hands. Busy hands=blank mind=no bad thoughts. But beading is for me. For me personally. I make the jewelry. I wear it. Got my eye on this set of diamonds at the back of the store. I want to make them into earrings with a little bit of silver wiring, but they're pricey.
In high school we read a story from the renaissance or the middle ages or something. It talked about a woman who had these beautiful diamonds on her neck. Our teacher told us that back then women didn't have money to buy their own diamonds. When they wore diamonds it was like wearing a dog collar. It was saying, "I am owned. My man owns me." That and he has enough money to buy me diamonds.
But these diamonds will be different. No one needs to buy me diamonds, I buy my own and I will wear them out in public and proudly proclaim my ownernship. No man on the other end. No ex-bofriend, no fear, no creature.
Right now I feel like I'm living, not just squatting, in my own skin. For once I will be the watcher and not the watched.
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